If I'm wrong...

 One of the most common questions that believers in God ask atheists is, "What if you're wrong?" In particular, they say or imply, what will I do if I die and find myself standing before the throne of God for a day of judgement? How would I account for my life, and for my lack of belief in him?

Here's the answer:

I would give an account of my actions all right. There would indeed be a reckoning.

"Oh, there you are! It's about fucking time, you asshole. It's about FUCKING time I got to have this out with you at last.

Let me begin by reminding you about my career working with people who experienced physical, cognitive, and mental health disabilities - you remember, all those "least of these" people you told your followers to help? You must have seen how every day of my working life I would do everything humanly possible to bring hope to the hopeless, joy to the joyless, healing to the sick, relief to those in pain, food to the hungry, drinks to the thirsty, being a father to the fatherless, all for less money than I would have made waiting tables - while you did SWEET FUCK ALL. Where the FUCK were you when I was baffled and bewildered and didn't know how to help, and why couldn't you have passed on just a little miraculous healing power to me so I could give the poor bastards what they really needed: Bodies and brains that work right, and haven't been fucked up by trauma and genetics? Why the fuck did you just sit back and watch me flail ineffectually at their needs with weak-ass tools like empathy, reflective listening, and reminding people to breathe when they were upset... instead of letting me fucking heal them like you promised your followers would be able to do?

You must have seen that I didn't grow up with a good example of how to be a husband or father. You must have seen that I had to teach myself how to do that shit, over the course of decades. You must have seen me struggle every time I was overwhelmed by my own feelings and having to fight against my own brain in order to help my distraught wife or kid deal with their overwhelming feelings. Where the FUCK were you? Why wasn't I allowed to just fucking cure my wife's anxiety disorder with a word, heal my kid's broken tooth by telling the universe to fucking change or else God was gonna give it a smack upside the head, take away their suffering through the pandemic?

And the MOTHERFUCKING PANDEMIC. Nice job with the protection and healing there, you bastard. And especially nice job getting your most vocal fans the Evangelicals to do the shit they were supposed to do in order to limit the death toll as much as possible. You fuckwit. I masked up, got the vaccine the day it was available to me, and in the meantime did what I could to avoid spreading your plague. But because people still needed me, I risked my health and safety every week to help them be healthy and safe. I lost years of my life to isolation and anxiety by staying the fuck at home as much as possible, while your fan club all went out doing their usual social activities with zero precautions and spreading the goddamn virus everywhere like they'd been given a motherfucking Great Commission to do so. 

Where were you for all the homeless people who kept coming to our church, shitting on our lawn, leaving their used needles and condoms in the parking lot, sometimes coming inside to scream at us and threaten us because their mental illness had them so angry and scared... and why did you leave us unable to do anything except give them a meal and some water from time to time?

Let's talk about my chronic pain. Where the FUCK where you when I couldn't fucking hold my newborn baby? Where the FUCK were you when I couldn't walk without a cane for half a year at the ripe old age of 35? Where the FUCK was all that protection and healing that you promised for your devout followers?

Where the FUCK were you when each of dozens of people I served were suffering on their deathbeds? Why was I only able to hold their hands and sing them their favorite songs instead of bellowing "BE HEALED" and making it so?

Where the FUCK were you for all the big, society-wide issues that I knew we should do something about as a species but I personally couldn't even scratch the surface? I couldn't make racist cops stop being racist murdering sons of bitches, or "good cops" stop covering up for them; all I could do was hold up a sign in front of my church and chant "Black Lives Matter", and your reward was that you let some shithead throw fireworks at my kid for being there. I couldn't make the big corporations stop polluting the shit out of the planet, and all I was allowed to do was compost my own vegetable scraps - and your reward for that was sending rats to the compost heap. I couldn't feed all the hungry people, and all I could do was occasionally feed a hungry person when I had the time and resources (seldom), and vote for the party that was slightly less likely to cut funding to programs that would feed them - and your reward for that was that there were always more hungry people asking for help and never enough resources in my control to help effectively. But YOU COULD HAVE JUST FUCKING FIXED ALL OF IT, AND YOU DIDN'T.

So bow before me, worm. Cower, abase yourself, humble thyself and repent, for you are unworthy to stand in my presence. Beg for my forgiveness, though you don't deserve it and won't get it. 

For I was hungry and you fed me not;  I was thirsty and you gave me naught to drink; I was naked and you clothed me not; I was sick and you did not minister to me;  I was imprisoned in my house throughout the pandemic you sent and you visited me not; I was suffering and you did nothing to relieve my suffering; I was powerless to do what needed to be done and you did nothing to empower me. When you did it not for me, for my family, for my friends, for the least of these who were in my care, you failed to be as moral as I was. I had to do all that shit myself, and it was YOUR FUCKING JOB. 

Into the everlasting fire with you, where you shall be forsaken and forgotten for all of eternity. 

For despite you having all the power and me having none, it was I who behaved like a benevolent God, and it was you who behaved like a worthless, vile, wretched, and utterly selfish sinner."