How we make moral decisions

 

Conversation that I had with an Evangelical today: Her kid has an assignment from school to answer this question: “Is it ever ok to lie? They have to show that they have thought about this. Some examples thrown out in class; those who hid the Jews (later clarifying, hid the Jews from the Nazis). Rahab hiding the spies. Those who smuggle God's word into countries. When someone asks you how they look in an outfit? When people with dementia are thinking you're a loved one? As a guest eating food, do you like it?

Is your answer just an opinion or do you have a source for back up?”

 

I responded:

With the dementia patient example, I tend to use "creative honesty". For instance, if they ask where their husband is, it would be pointlessly cruel to keep retraumatizing them every day by telling them "Your husband is dead"... but also cruel to tell them "Sure hon, he's on his way." So I go with "I haven't seen him. But if he calls I will let you know." Ultimately, the right answer to any question of morality has to be "What will do the most good? Failing that, what will do the least harm?"

 

She responded:

“I really like the way you say, "I haven't seen him." This is very gray to me. I am not so sure about the "what will do the most good,' as that puts back to us as to say what is good. History shows what happens when we all do what is right in our own eyes vs what God has let us know what is and isn't right. I see this as showing kindness love and mercy, but then is that for me to decide. Again I am glad that God is the judge and not I.”

 

You notice what's happened here? She has been so conditioned to believe in her own innate sinfulness and corruption, so conditioned to believe that she is incapable of doing what is right unless she lets Jesus take the wheel, so conditioned to rely on the Bible (but really, the way her pastor interprets the Bible) to tell her whether she's making a moral decision or not... that she honestly doesn't think she can decide for herself whether showing kindness and mercy is the right call to make, or whether lying to THE MOTHERFUCKING NAZIS, TO SAVE INNOCENT LIVES, is okay. She honestly believes that she can't be trusted to make the right call here, and needs to rely on an outside source of wisdom to make a decision where it's painfully obvious to anyone what a moral person should do.

 

I haven’t responded the way I’d like to because I don’t think she wants to hear this, but here’s what I would say if I thought she was receptive:

This next idea is a bit of a tangent and may not be a conversation you want on this thread, and if so that's fine - you can delete or not reply and no hard feelings. But, since we're talking about how we make moral decisions: 

You DO decide for yourself what is right and wrong. 

YOU chose whether or not to believe in a God. 

Then YOU chose which of the many gods to believe in. 

Then YOU chose which of the many Christian denominations seemed to have the right idea. 

Then YOU chose which of the many churches within that denomination to attend, and which pastor you listen to every week for advice about morality. 

And if that pastor ever begins teaching things that you believe are in conflict with what God is saying in the Bible, you will no doubt choose to leave that church and attend another one that is more in line with what YOU believe is right. 

You didn't base any of those decisions on an unambiguous message written in letters of fire in the sky... YOU decided what was the standard of morality you should follow, what was and wasn't right. 

You may believe your decision was guided by the Holy Spirit, and you may be right about that. But ultimately it was your decision to make - otherwise free will is an illusion. 

So you're really making moral decisions the same way that an Episcopalian, or Muslim, or atheist, or Buddhist, or anyone else, would make moral decisions: based on your reason and empathy, guided by your experience and what you've been told by guides you find trustworthy. 

TL:DR: EVERYONE decides what is right in their own eyes. Sometimes that leads to moral decisions, and sometimes it leads to immoral ones, but we all make those decisions for ourselves and bear the responsibility for those decisions.

 

 

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