How conservative Evangelicalism made me a liberal atheist

 Yes, really. I became first a liberal, then an atheist, BECAUSE I took Evangelical Christianity at its word.

From early childhood I was given a book and told "This is the highest and purest truth there is. In this book are the secrets to eternal life, and the very purpose of your existence, as told by the being that made you for that purpose. It was so important to him that he showed up in person to make sure you would hear about it. It is absolutely true in every jot and tittle. Read it and live your life by it."

So, I did.

And what I read was the story of my god, the author of all things, showing up in person and telling everyone that the secret of everlasting life is to love your neighbor as yourself. And when asked "Who is my neighbor?", his answer was the parable of the good Samaritan. The answer was that your neighbor is... everyone. Even people you don't like. Even people you don't believe deserve your help. Even when helping will cost you. Even when helping could put you at risk.

I read about how he told everyone that the difference between the sheep and the goats, the people who are his true followers and the people who only think they are, is in whether they fed the hungry, clothed the naked, housed the houseless, cared for the sick and those in prison. He was clear that not only individuals, but NATIONS would be judged by this standard.

He told rich people to give away all they had to the poor, before they could follow him. He told off conservative religious and political figures (the Sanhedrin and high priest, the Pharisees and Sadducees) for their failures to practice what they preached - so much so that they had him killed for it. He hung out with people that the religious wrote off as "sinners". He fed hungry people. He preached that those who store up earthly treasures will miss out on the heavenly treasures. He preached that those who live by violence will die by it. 

And ... I couldn't help but notice that the political party and policies that Evangelicals told me to support stood for exactly the opposite of all those things. I was dragged kicking and screaming into liberalism by following Jesus.


I continued to believe that the Christian message was true and the Christian god was real, despite the increasingly difficult mental gymnastics necessary to go on believing that... until the 2016 election. 


It was a betrayal. 


The very people who raised me to believe in Christian values voted for the orange incarnation of everything our god had told us NOT to be. And it didn't take long after that for me to finally stop being able to pretend that a good and loving god could allow so many people to do so much harm, in the sincere belief that they were doing what he wanted them to do, without ever bothering to correct them. These people were praying for the guidance of the holy spirit just as hard as I was; but when it came time to choose they were led by the voice of their own desires, fears, and hatreds - not the voice of a god who demanded mercy, justice, and humility from them and their leaders. I, an imperfect father, would NEVER allow my children to harm each other in my name without stepping in to stop the behavior; why would a perfect heavenly father allow it? And if I was a better father and a more moral being than my god, it followed that my god was a fantasy.

I would have gone on believing for the rest of my life, and ignored all the logical impossibilities inherent in those beliefs, if not for Jesus' biggest fanboys making his message unbelievable.

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