Thoughts and prayers

I'm by no means the first or last person to point out that the people who offer "thoughts and prayers" and the people who offer actual practical help are almost never the same people. But what I realized the other day is that religion tricks people into genuinely believing that an offer of "thoughts and prayers" IS an offer of help. 

When faced with the situation where a person we care about has a problem we can't fix, naturally we want to do SOMETHING for them. But the actual helpful things we can do in those situations either involve a real and vulnerable expression of empathy, or an offer of money or labor to help make the unbearable situation at least a little more bearable. Preferably both. And most people don't have the ability to do that. Most people aren't skilled at expressing empathy well. Most people don't have money or time or energy to meet their OWN needs, let alone those of other people. 

So people offer this substitute for actual empathy and assistance. Something that lets them feel like they did something helpful. It's probably well-meant in most cases, even. But it's pretty fucking hollow. It's like asking "How you doing?" and then walking on before the person can answer, in case they actually tell you. I think most people would rather hear "I wish I could offer some real help, but what if we all pitch in a few dollars to pay for (something that might provide a little comfort or take some work off the person's plate)?" than "Thoughts and prayers".

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