Self-deception is still deception

 The fact is that, even when I was a committed Christian, as soon as I was old enough to think for myself I was starting to have doubts and questions. But I kept convincing myself that my doubts and questions were the Enemy trying to deceive me, or my own frailties and inability to grasp infinity with my finite mind. And I kept convincing myself that the obvious bullshit I believed in was not obvious bullshit. 

I wasn't deliberately or maliciously lying. Not like Republican politicians, or Evangelical megachurch pastors, or other people who get rich from lying to their followers about how Jesus is the answer to everything. But... I was having to pretend to myself that untrue things were true. And pretending to yourself is still pretending.


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